We perceive the relationship as a restriction of freedom. How could we not to? Tradition teaches us that. For example symbolically putting the horse-collar on a groom’s neck or the attachment of a good old burden ball to his leg. Deterring, right?
The term “marriage bond” gives the impression of something binding and restrictive. The same feeling comes from the question “When are you getting hitched?” Before marriage it is important to throw Bachelorette party (“Goodbye to freedom” in Czech), because then you will not be free. Fortunatelly it is written in my identity card that I’m single (“free” in czech).
Before you voluntarily lose your freedom you have to crash on somebody (“to hunt somebody” in Czech). Going for a hunt (or fishing)! I imagine my grandfather (who is hunter) taking a shotgun and going hunting. Or a friend who takes a fishing rod and goes fishing for bait. If you get somebody s/he’s yours. At the wedding ceremony the newlyweds exchange rings as a symbol of ownership and commitment. How binding!
It’s almost like some dirty game to trap someone.
When a man drinks too much, his wife’s friends tell her: “Put him in line”. That’s because he doesn’t have his own mind and she has to controll him. Sometimes I meet a couple where they try to remake each other to their own’s image. It’s as if a person caught someone on bait and transforms him when s/he owns them. It doesn’t make sense! If you fall in love with someone, you don’t want to change them because s/he is not the one you fell in love with. In such cases it’s not love but the need to own someone.
“If he doesn’t ask you to marry him within 5 years it means the end of the relationship.” “I need to move our relationship to the next level.” Is this a competition? Of course it is not. We’re just goal-oriented. We learn it at school and at work as well. Having good grades, progressing to higher levels of education and obtaining degree in the end. Having a good results at work in order to climb the career ladder and have higher earnings. Otherwise, why would we do it, right? Without it we loose motivation.
The relationship will be exactly what you make it. You have full control over whether you stay in it or not. Restrictions are only in your head.
The purpose of the relationship is to share your life with someone else. At the same time you need to keep your autonomy – to have your interests and your free time. The foundation of the relationship is formed by common interests, time spent together and shared experiences.
When you are happy with the relationship, experience adventure and have fun, you don’t need to “limit somebody” or “get it to the next level”. Relationships should not be restrictive but supportive. So no chains, but fun, support and sharing. The relationship should be fun and not limitation.
